I have been so nervous to take Elijah to church. I know it sounds strange. Church is supposed to be a safe place, right? Well, it's not that I'm afraid of going to church itself, it's just that our church is so big (4500 people) and to me it seemed there was too much that could go wrong. What if he exposed to too many germs? What if the music is too loud for him? What if he starts in crying in the middle of the service? What if I don't feel like I am completely in control at all times??
I went to church yesterday with Elijah in tow (although, to be completely honest, I didn't feel totally ready to take him). It was amazing how quickly I felt the Lord speaking to me once we were there. The words of the first song we sang convicted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. Those words were "Lord, you can have all my hands can hold". As many times as I have heard that song, those words took a whole new meaning as I pictured the hours each day that I hold my little man in my hands. He's not mine. He's not Kirk's. He's the Lord's.
The conviction continued as our pastor spoke about absolute surrender. "Are you completely surrendered to the Lord's authority in your life?", he asked us. Again, what an incredibly challenging question!! The control is not mine. That's a hard and comforting reality all at the same time.
My mother always told me that there are moments in life when the Lord reminds us that our children are not our own. I had one of those moments yesterday. I am working on giving up control. And I am incredibly grateful that the Lord holds my little boy in his all-powerful hands.
2 comments:
Chrissie, you bring tears to my eyes. I wish I knew how many timjes I've had to surrender all of you. It's a moment by moment thing and I thank God for it. I love you.
Chrissie, I loved that! So amazing to see how the Lord is speaking to you. You are an amazing mommy!
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